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We've been close companions for more than 20 years, who has faced and conquered several challenges, and I respect her for that. However, she has been constantly blindsided in relationships. Her spouse walked away, and it was an unexpected event. Many of her social circle drifted away at that point, because they seemed drawn to him. She was stunned by her. She put in increased attention in our friendship, probably understood better the essence of true friendship.

The Pattern In Relationships

In the time since, many of her friends vanished without her being certain of the reason. The company she worked for became hostile, even though she had been highly competent, she departed not understanding the reason for the change.

Present Situation

Lately, we have each retired leading to more frequent meetups, yet I realize my role in the relationship feels one-sided. I start subjects and she changes them to what interests her. In terms of politics, she has unyielding views. I attempt to suggest factchecking and different perspectives.

She has been planning a holiday to a country I know well on several occasions even called home for a while. I attempted to provide advice, however, my input met with resistance. She purely just desired me to confirm her choices. I recently come back from a month in that country and she wants to reconnect, yet I'm reluctant.

Evaluating the Situation

I hesitate to act as a friend who abandons suddenly without a word, but I don't think she will ever grasp the effect of her behaviour on my self-esteem. Currently, my state is avoidance mode. How should I proceed?

Potential Solutions

You could end things abruptly, but it is not often a smooth outcome we imagine. However, addressing it aiming for a solution takes courage and openness from both people.

Professional advice indicates using a effective method for resolving disputes:

"Initially involves describing what typically happens when you talk. It should be as factual as possible and essentially what a recording device would replay. The second is to express her how it affects you emotionally. Ideally, there's no disagreement on this point. Your feelings belong to you, of course. Step three is to ask how the two of you will alter the dynamics in your relationship."

Keep in mind she too holds perspectives, so you need to stay open to acknowledge it. One effective method is to say her:

"Now you talk and I promise to remain silent for 30 minutes."

It's wildly successful to encourage understanding.

Final Thoughts

She could ignore your concerns, for those who have a “survival narrative”: they maintain a narrative regarding their experiences they cannot let go of as it feels essential relies on it being the only thing they trust. This poses a challenge because there's no thoroughfare with these people, mere obstacles. Yet she could start out defensively then consider your perspective. And even if a resolution isn't found a resolution, it will give you closure from having been open and direct.