🔗 Share this article Late-Night Personalities Target Trump's Latest 'Gold Card' Immigration Plan Late-night's leading comedians devoted their evening ridiculing President Donald Trump's newly launched visa program, labeled the "Trump card," describing it as a clear pay-to-play scheme for the rich. Colbert's Witty Analysis Starting his show, Stephen Colbert delivered a mock holiday song about the commander-in-chief. "He's compiling a list, checking it twice, then giving that list to the officials at ICE," he intoned. "Donald Trump ... spoils all he touches." The focus was the new program that allows foreign citizens to acquire U.S. residency for the price of $1 million dollars, with a "platinum" option for five million. An official portal pledges approval "with unprecedented speed." "A quick note for you to wealthy foreigners: before you pay, what about Canada?" Colbert quipped. He pointed out that the program is also designed to "extract cash" from firms looking to hire foreign workers, with hefty fees. "That is a lot of fees, though if you enroll, you also get a complimentary stay at a hotel of your choice – provided that it's the a specific Marriott," he continued. "Unprecedented screening the government has ever done," remarked Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "a $15,000 vetting to ensure these applicants absolutely qualify to be in America." "That's important, you gotta prove you're fit to be an American," Colbert said dryly. "The initial query: how many hamburgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?" Jimmy Kimmel's Humorous Roast On his late-night show, Jimmy Kimmel referred to the initiative the "U.S. Access Express Card." "Here's a card that will allow rich foreigners to live here," he said. "For a million dollars, you get official resident status, you get a route to citizenship, and a president's pardon for one serious crime of your choice." "It might be time to revise that message on the Statue of Liberty – never mind your tired masses. Give us a million bucks, you're in!" he joked. Kimmel mocked the simplicity of the form, observing it is "more difficult to start a Wordle account." He said that Trump "believes citizenship is something you can sell, like a steak." "That's right, the finest people are the rich people," Kimmel said. "That's what Jesus always said! Read it in the Bible. He says it's easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle provided that you give the needle a million dollars." Seth Meyers on Grocery Concerns Elsewhere, Seth Meyers focused on Trump's declining approval ratings amid economic concerns. "People gave Donald Trump a another term because they were mad about the economy," he explained. Recently, in a attempt to tackle affordability, Trump held a press conference in front of a display of grocery items, where he behaved oddly to some cereal. "These look great, I think I'm going to take a few of them with me to my home and have a lot of fun," Trump said. "Like the Cheerios, I haven't seen Cheerios in a while." "He's so fucking weird," Meyers said. "Like, you're going to take them back to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What's the plan with those Cheerios?" Meyers concluded by targeting conservative media defenses of Trump's financial record. "Maybe instead of voicing concerns, you should give him a shiny trophy similar to what FIFA did," he laughed.
Late-night's leading comedians devoted their evening ridiculing President Donald Trump's newly launched visa program, labeled the "Trump card," describing it as a clear pay-to-play scheme for the rich. Colbert's Witty Analysis Starting his show, Stephen Colbert delivered a mock holiday song about the commander-in-chief. "He's compiling a list, checking it twice, then giving that list to the officials at ICE," he intoned. "Donald Trump ... spoils all he touches." The focus was the new program that allows foreign citizens to acquire U.S. residency for the price of $1 million dollars, with a "platinum" option for five million. An official portal pledges approval "with unprecedented speed." "A quick note for you to wealthy foreigners: before you pay, what about Canada?" Colbert quipped. He pointed out that the program is also designed to "extract cash" from firms looking to hire foreign workers, with hefty fees. "That is a lot of fees, though if you enroll, you also get a complimentary stay at a hotel of your choice – provided that it's the a specific Marriott," he continued. "Unprecedented screening the government has ever done," remarked Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "a $15,000 vetting to ensure these applicants absolutely qualify to be in America." "That's important, you gotta prove you're fit to be an American," Colbert said dryly. "The initial query: how many hamburgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?" Jimmy Kimmel's Humorous Roast On his late-night show, Jimmy Kimmel referred to the initiative the "U.S. Access Express Card." "Here's a card that will allow rich foreigners to live here," he said. "For a million dollars, you get official resident status, you get a route to citizenship, and a president's pardon for one serious crime of your choice." "It might be time to revise that message on the Statue of Liberty – never mind your tired masses. Give us a million bucks, you're in!" he joked. Kimmel mocked the simplicity of the form, observing it is "more difficult to start a Wordle account." He said that Trump "believes citizenship is something you can sell, like a steak." "That's right, the finest people are the rich people," Kimmel said. "That's what Jesus always said! Read it in the Bible. He says it's easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle provided that you give the needle a million dollars." Seth Meyers on Grocery Concerns Elsewhere, Seth Meyers focused on Trump's declining approval ratings amid economic concerns. "People gave Donald Trump a another term because they were mad about the economy," he explained. Recently, in a attempt to tackle affordability, Trump held a press conference in front of a display of grocery items, where he behaved oddly to some cereal. "These look great, I think I'm going to take a few of them with me to my home and have a lot of fun," Trump said. "Like the Cheerios, I haven't seen Cheerios in a while." "He's so fucking weird," Meyers said. "Like, you're going to take them back to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What's the plan with those Cheerios?" Meyers concluded by targeting conservative media defenses of Trump's financial record. "Maybe instead of voicing concerns, you should give him a shiny trophy similar to what FIFA did," he laughed.